An unadulterated list of ways to find joy.
If you ever woke in your dress at 4am ever closed your legs to someone you loved opened them for someone you didn’t moved against a pillow in the dark stood miserably on a beach seaweed clinging to your ankles paid good money for a bad haircut backed away from a mirror that wanted to kill you bled into the back seat for lack of a tampon if you swam across a river under rain sang using a dildo for a microphone stayed up to watch the moon eat the sun entire ripped out the stitches in your heart because why not if you think nothing & no one can / listen I love you joy is coming ~ To the woman crying uncontrollably in the next stall by Kim Addonizio
As the calendar flips (a little nauseatingly) into a new year, I'm surrounded by all the usual chatter about resolutions; ambitious plans to 'finally' get fit, learn a new language, declutter the house, or overhaul your life (#guilty).
Often wrapped in shiny hope and the (false) promise of new beginnings, we're all too familiar with the ways resolutions quickly unravel under the weight of perfectionism, comparison and the pressure to transform overnight (again, #guilty).
We want what we want and we want it now.
But, I've finally reached that point where I've decided to say no more. One big take-away for me from last year is that I want a slower life, one with more intention and more opportunity to savour time as the precious resource it is.
So, this year, I've traded resolutions for something softer, kinder, and infinitely more meaningful. This year, I'm chasing glimmers instead.
You might have come across this term already, as it's starting to pop up more across social media and generally in our collective lexicon. The idea of 'glimmers' comes from polyvagal theory (this short 4min video provides a good overview of what the theory encompasses). Rooted in neuroscience and psychology, polyvagal theory is something I've become ever curious about in the latter part of last year. Deb Dana, an American clinician and author specialising in complex trauma, coined the term glimmers in her 2018 book Polyvagal Theory in Therapy: Engaging the Rhythm of Regulation.
While we’re often attuned to 'triggers' — things that heighten our stress or pull us into survival mode — glimmers are the opposite. They’re those tiny moments that light you up, even if just for a second.
They’re reminders of safety, connection, and joy.
"The reality is your brain is designed to anticipate threats. It's designed to walk into an environment, scan it for threats, think negatively and prepare itself accordingly. Glimmers bring a sense of safety and connectedness that we often miss when we're rushing about. When we're scared or emotional, glimmers make us feel we can cope." ~ Tamara Cavenett, Clinical Psychologist
In a world where we’re constantly chasing big milestones and monumental change (yes, yes, again #guilty!), or where there's significant overwhelm and global change (hello, the daily news cycle), glimmers invite us to shift focus. They call us to pause and notice the micro-moments that nourish our nervous system and make life feel a little more connected and in-tune with everything it has to offer.
As we collectively move into a new year, one that's already presented us with plenty to feel triggered about, why not make it less about striving and overwhelm, and more about noticing? I don't know about you, but my nerves are feeling pretty frazzled observing the plight of our global structures and the steps backwards we seem to be taking in our global communities. Sadly, I think this year will offer many more moments of despair.
Glimmers might not be 'the answer' - and I'm certainly not advocating for us all to stick our heads in the sand - but I do think we need to make space and celebrate what lights us up, and share that with each other where we can. The world needs more connection and kindness, and one way to start offering this is to understand what those things mean to you as a person.
Noticing your personal glimmers could be one step towards uncovering this - and a way of finding small moments of solace amongst the chaos.
Noticing Glimmers: A Starting Point
You'll be surprised how easy it is to start noticing glimmers once you begin. Ultimately, anything can be a glimmer if it gives you that little 'pow' of joy and/or connection in your chest.
But, if it helps, here's a little list of ways to sink into it:
Start a glimmer journal, jotting down one small moment each day that brought you joy, made you smile unexpectedly, or reminded you that life is good.
Build a practice of curating these moments and looking out for them, almost like collecting sea glass (my new favourite hobby). The more you do it, the easier it is to notice them.
Our brains are brilliant at following instructions, so if you start routinely guiding it to look for glimmers, it will do the work for you. The act isn’t just about savoring joy — it’s about training your brain to notice it more often.
Share your glimmers with others and invite them to share theirs. Make it a regular part of your day or week to share a glimmer with your partner, family or a friend. It's joyful to learn what's lighting up others.
Chasing glimmers doesn’t mean abandoning ambition or growth. It means infusing those pursuits with a sense of curiosity and wonder rather than obligation. It’s about following the breadcrumbs of what feels good and letting those guide you toward goals that align with your values and well-being.
Glimmers can also help us navigate inevitable challenges and low points. They’re like tiny anchors in the storm, reminding us that even in moments of struggle, joy and connection are still within reach. These moments don’t erase the hard stuff, but they do create pockets of softness where you can catch your breath.
Instead of asking ourselves to be more, do more, or achieve more, what if we just decided to notice and ground ourselves in the everyday moments that bring us joy?
And maybe, just maybe, this slower, gentler approach will lead us to the kind of change that truly lasts. That's definitely something I'm hoping for.
"Hopefulness lies in knowing that while early experiences shape the nervous system, ongoing experiences can reshape it." ~ Deb Dana
A list of potential glimmers. Take what you need. Pass it on.
*I'm going to keep adding to this list throughout this year. Check back to see how it grows.
When someone enjoys a meme or reel you shared on socials and shares it on their own socials.
Watching a dog arrive at the beach.
Catching the glimpse of a rainbow through the trees of a hike.
Catching a glimpse of a double rainbow through the trees on a hike.
When they bring you coffee in bed unprompted on the weekend.
When the dog chooses you in a room full of people.
Finding the perfect piece for your wardrobe at the op-shop.
Sitting in comfortable silence with an old friend.
Saying, I love you and watching someone’s face light up.
When the barista knows your order without you having to say it.
Someone remembering something you shared as important and asking you about it again at a later date.
“I saw this, and it made me think of you.”
The big contented sigh a pet makes when cuddling in your lap for a nap.
When you and a loved one find the same thing so funny, you laugh until you cry.
That moment before sunset at the beach when the sky’s a fluffy shade of pink, blue and purple.
When the band plays the song, you’ve been hoping they will at a gig.
Toe beans.
“I’m proud of you.”
Manifesting THE most amazing velvet suit in your EXACT size at the thrift shop (very specific but very joyful).
Receiving unanticipated feedback at work on a project you worked hard on.
“I love that idea!”
The sound of live music playing in unexpected places.
Your beloved singing in the shower while you make coffee.
A beach all to yourself.
Fresh bread.
"I just finished this book and I think you'll enjoy it."
The sound of heavy rainfall while you're tucked up inside.
The smell of a freshly lit wood fire.
The cold side of the pillow.
"Good morning, beautiful."
Getting the pool lane all to yourself.
Hitting that sweetspot in your swim where your mind clears and movement is your only focus, and it's truly meditative.
"I loved that book - thank you the recommendation!"
Learning a new skill or creative hobby (especially one that reminds you of past creative passions, as I found out during a Japanese calligraphy class).
"I was just thinking about you."
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